


What Happens at Milkweed

by LeelaSmall



Category: Fanboy & Chum Chum (Cartoon)
Genre: Backstory, Based on Harry Potter lore, I made up a last name for Sigmund, Sigmund catches on fire, because reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:08:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23560561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeelaSmall/pseuds/LeelaSmall
Summary: The true story about how Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason got himself expelled from Milkweed Academy for Wizards
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	What Happens at Milkweed

“Yoo-hoo, Constipator!”

Kyle released a tired groan as he lifted his gaze from the yellowed pages of his Necromancy textbook. He could feel himself getting sick to his stomach as he watched Sigmund making his way through the Great Hall towards him, a nauseating grin spread wide across his face.

“It’s ‘Conjurer’, you third-rate hack.” The redhead retorted in disdain.

“If you say so.” Sigmund replied as he took a seat next to him at the long wooden table. “I assume you’ve heard the good news?”

“Please, do tell.” Kyle said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes before refocusing his attention on the book before him. “Which one of your restless boot-licking endeavors has come into fruition this time?”

“Oh, just the one about being appointed Head Boy. No biggie, really.”

Kyle had been turning a page when Sigmund shared that new piece of information, which resulted in him inadvertently ripping it clean off. He looked up at his German colleague with his eyes nearly bulging out of his skull.

“Head Boy?! How is that even possible?!” Kyle exclaimed in bewilderment, which caused Sigmund’s smirk to grow wider. “Only seventh year students are allowed to obtain that rank!”

“Ja, I know. I guess the Headmaster was simply dazzled by my academic achievements over the last few weeks. And who wouldn’t be?”

As he kept bragging about how he had been called into the Headmaster’s office and assigned that very prestigious role, Kyle began to feel anger bubble up inside him. He had only known Sigmund for two years, but that had been more than enough time to become positively repulsed by him. From the moment they had met, Sigmund had done nothing but undermine him with every chance he got. Not only that, but he was always so full of himself, claiming he was a better wizard than anyone else who attended Milkweed Academy for Wizards, sucking up to all the professors and earning perfect marks in every single one of his classes, even though Kyle was certain he had never cracked open a book in his life.

Kyle could feel the fire of his rage burning deep inside of him. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists as Sigmund continued to blabber on, although he couldn’t hear him anymore. He just closed his eyes as tightly as he could, wishing he could wipe that disgusting smile off of Sigmund’s face. He wished that Sigmund could feel the fire burning inside of him.

“MEINE HAARE!”

When Kyle opened his eyes, he saw that his wish had been granted. Sigmund was flailing around in panic as flames consumed his clothes and hair, emitting rather embarrassing high-pitched wails as he tried to put them out.

As the other students gathered to watch in astonishment as Sigmund was consumed by flames, Kyle couldn’t help but laugh.

“Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason!”

The redhead froze when he heard his named called out by that unmistakable voice. The Great Hall fell into a deafening silence, save for Sigmund crying out for his life, as Professor Flan hurriedly made his way across the room with a very displeased look upon his face.

Professor Jonathan James Jasper Jackson Jamarcus Jaminiquide J.J. Flan Jr was one of the most ruthless professors at Milkweed. He taught Defense Against the Dark Arts and was a stickler for discipline. He had taken a special disliking towards Kyle on the very first day of his class, when he accidentally cast a hex on him which resulted in severe bowel pain that lasted a month. Needless to say Kyle was not looking forward to hearing what he had to say.

“You’ve just earned yourself a visit to the Headmaster’s office.” Professor Flan declared angrily as he grasped Kyle’s arm and began dragging him out of the Great Hall.

“It’s not my fault! I didn’t do anything!” Kyle pleaded, trying his hardest to free himself from his professor’s grip.

“And I suppose Mr. Hochnäsighosen just happened to experience a sudden spontaneous combustion?”

“Yes, precisely!”

“Oh, spare me your tomfoolery, Mr. Bloodworth-Thomason. You’ve been a proverbial thorn in my backside since the moment you set foot in my classroom, but no longer. The Headmaster will deal with you accordingly.”

Kyle could now see the door to the Headmaster’s office at the end of the hallway. His heart pounded against his chest as he desperately tried to pull away from the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

“No, please!” Kyle begged. “I’m innocent!”

“That’s what they all say.” Professor Flan chuckled.

The timbre of Professor Flan’s cackle seemed to set something off inside of Kyle. He began to feel his anger emerge once more, his whole body vibrating with pure rage.

“Unhand me… this… INSTANT!”

What occurred next shocked both the student and the teacher alike: in mere seconds, Professor Flan was engulfed by a blinding light, and when he reappeared, he had been transformed into a large anthropomorphic flan.

Kyle was rendered speechless as he observed his professor inspecting his new golden-colored skin glazed with orange caramel sauce in pure disbelief.

“Wh… wha… what is the meaning of this?!” Professor Flan hollered, spitting some jam-like substance in the process.

Kyle’s first instinct was to apologize, to fall on his knees and beg his professor for forgiveness, even if he wasn’t sure that he really had been the one to do that. But then he remembered all the suffering Professor Flan had put him through over the past two years; all the times he had ridiculed him in front of his classmates just because he had given an incorrect answer, all the sleepless nights studying for tests he would ultimately fail, all the pain of being told he would never be good enough.

And then something inside him just snapped.

“That’s right, you pathetic oaf!” Kyle spat as he adopted his most menacing demeanor. “You got what you deserved! Now you’re nothing but a walking pile of custard! How do you like me now, huh?”

“This is preposterous! Turn me back to normal at once!”

“No, I don’t think I will. In fact, I’ll do you one better.”

With a wave of his wand, Kyle transported his metamorphosed teacher into a small blue container which he made appear out of thin air.

“There. That should hold him for a bit.” He declared victoriously as he made de container disappear. “The last thing I need is for the Headmaster to know that I turned Professor Flan into an actual flan.”

“Oh, is that so?”

Kyle nearly jumped out of his skin as he turned around and saw Sigmund leaning against the wall, his hair and clothes still partially singed from the flames.

“It would certainly be a shame if someone were to tell him, wouldn’t it?” Sigmund snickered.

“Sig–”

The platinum-blond vanished before Kyle could finish uttering his name.

Kyle knew was in deep trouble now. He just stood frozen in the hallway for what felt like an eternity, until he heard the door to the Headmaster’s office slowly creak open.

“Kyle Bloodworth-Thomason?” an old-sounding voice called him.

He gulped down the lump forming in his throat and walked into the Headmaster’s office, bracing himself for whatever fate he might suffer.


End file.
